Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
