Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
