I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
