exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
