So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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