i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
