I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
