I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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