dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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