I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
