No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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