Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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