You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
