No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
