You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
