I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So squirting runs in the family.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
