talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
