I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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