Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
