Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How's work?
Spinning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
