If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
