he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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