your thong is hanging out like whoa
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
