Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
