3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
birth control should be required to get into college
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
