can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
