Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
