I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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