rhymes with "ouble enetration"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
