a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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