If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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