He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
