My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
