If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
