what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
