I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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