We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
