Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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