I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
