Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
