peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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