we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
