i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
