You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
