She is in my trunk
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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