it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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