I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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