peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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