quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
