if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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