Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
