In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
