I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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