Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
