She is in my trunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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