to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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