I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
