She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
please come you make the beer taste better
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
