It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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