I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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