If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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