Your tits are I can't wait for
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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