i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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