I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
