So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
