Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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