Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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