I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
