you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
