shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
