oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
