I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
