So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
