I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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