He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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