Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
