Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
