ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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