Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
